The 2011 AGM in the City of York
Tom Cutler
A night view south from the Museum St. Bridge over the River Ouse in York - by Wjh31- Creative Commons

ON FRIDAY 1 APRIL 2011, Handlebar Club members, their partners, and friends of the club arrived at the Hedley House Hotel in York for the AGM jamboree. The hotel is a row of delightful Victorian terrace houses a short walk from York city centre, though Alex McBride claimed that the arduous trek from the station with heavy bags was more than the ‘one minute’s walk’ that Secretary Steve Parsons had said it was.

The hotel is run by Greg and Louise Harrand who were lucky to escape with their lives from the recent Japanese tsunami, having been honeymooning there at the time. Hearing screams, they ran from the incoming deluge, Louise scrambling up a staircase but Greg being swept away in the huge wave. His new wedding ring was torn from his finger and he saw a huge shop window coming towards him. Fearing the end, he was saved by debris smashing through the glass in front of him. He hung on to part of the building until the water subsided and was able to find his wife safe and well. I thought this a happy fact worth reporting.

A lot of old friends - and a locked cabinet at room temperature It was nice to see a lot of old friends in the bar, and meet a couple of new ones, for a quick bottle of the local bitter – available from a locked cabinet at room temperature, or freezing cold out of the chiller-cabinet for those who unaccountably prefer their beer that way. We nearly wore out the hinges on that cabinet by the end of the weekend.

The AGM started promptly and once again was delightfully brief, at some 45 minutes or thereabouts, despite covering the usual mountain of drear.Equal Opportunities Document - click to enlarge As usual a huge foreign contingent was present, from the USA, Scandinavia, Europe, and Ireland, as well as England, Scotland and Wales. Glen Turner brought along his wife Jane, and his incredibly well-behaved baby Eliza, making this probably the first Handlebar AGM to have an infant present (though not voting). As an item of Any Other Business, the Secretary read out a letter from the Equal Opportunities people, which pointed out that the Handlebar Club was in breach of the law by insisting on members having a moustache. Women were being discriminated against. I laughed so hard I nearly dropped my pint, but it was an April Fool joke perpetrated by the Despicable Parsons. And as you can see right, beautifully done too...

Dame Judi railing against her railing After the meeting we joined the ladies for a quick pre-prandial snifter before Steve – who had been in town for a couple of days – led us down a shortcut along Judi Dench Walk along the River Ouse. Here you can see Caroline (AKA Dame Judi) posing against her railing. The Dame’s consort, Geoff, who had fallen up some steps before his arrival, was sporting a very masculine cut-up face.

The magnificently gigantic nan breadsKeri with the famous nan breadGlen ponders the mystery of the monster nan

Tandoori Nights was a wonderful curry house, where the magnificently gigantic nan breads were hung like scorched duvets from large hook efforts on the tables. The balti-smeared hand of friendship was extended to a French chap with a handsome handlebar tash who had approached the newest member of the committee, myself, to express an interest. He had visited the curry house having heard a rumour in York that we would all be there, and after a word with Steve Parsons, was welcomed into the fold.

After leaving the curry house, members retraced their steps, at one point passing the window of a restaurant where a handlebar-moustache-wearing staff member was startled to see half a dozen moustachioed faces grimacing at him through the window.

We repaired to various of the town’s pubs and I found myself in the Yorkshire Terrier with a group of other ne’er-do-wells, where we gave the local hand-pumps a good seeing-to while we discussed questions of philosophy and which beer was better than which. They had to kick us out at closing time and we walked home - at least that is what I am told.

The Press article - click to enlargeClub Members on the Cathedral Steps - click to enlarge On Saturday morning, breakfast was pretty magnificent. The hotel has, incidentally, won a ‘Kellogs Breakfast Award’ (whatever that is, exactly) and following demolition of the food, we made our way to the steps of the South door of York’s magnificent minster church, where we were photographed by the local newspaper, The Press. Click on the cutting for a readable-size copy, and on the photo for a larger view.

We then divided into two groups and were shown round the amazing building by a very enthusiastic fellow who told us about a loony who had hidden in the choir after evensong and set fire to the place, about how the minster was sinking into the ground because of a culverted stream, about Roman Britain twenty feet down, about the statue of Constantine, declared emperor in York in AD three hundred and something, about the cantilevered dragon’s head, the ‘Five Sisters’, and the gift shop where we were earnestly begged to spend money, as it costs a packet just to stop the church from falling to bits. A bemused German chap asked me the significance of all the tashes in the cathedral, so I explained.

After the tour we could please ourselves, so I went walkabout round the winding lanes, where I bumped into Martin and Liz Bennett. We followed the famous Shambles drain, where the fourteenth-century butchers would chuck their leftover offal and blood, and lunched on vast portions of Yorkshire grub in The Golden Fleece. Guy teaches Tom a lessonI had steak and ale pie, Martin had Cumberland sausages. He’d had sausages for breakfast too, and forgot that he’d ordered sausages for dinner. We worked out that, including the unfurled Cumberland sausage, he had put away about a yard of sausage in just one day. Martin is one of those people to whom things ‘happen’. Just ask him. We separated but met again almost at once in the Harris Tweed shop.

After more wandering I sprinted back to the hotel to change for dinner, where Guy Heathcote was playing his melodion – beautifully of course. He gave me a quick lesson.

Rod Littlewood presents Michael Tierney with the Handlebar Club shieldWe were then all photographed by a local gent whose pictures you will see in this website’s gallery. At the end of the wonderful meal, The President presented Michael Tierney with a Handlebar Club shield and warmly thanked him for his sterling work over four decades as the club’s host.

David receives the mug via Tom Rodders also thanked David Dade for his untiring work on the club’s website, swiftly turned him into a Distinguished Friend, and presented him with a handsome commemorative mug. Actually, as he was unable to be present, I accepted this on his behalf and have now presented it to David in Brighton (pictured right).

As usual there was a swift raffle to raise money for charity. By some quirk, the bottle of Singleton malt whisky was won by my missus and I can pronounce it excellent – there is half an inch of it at my elbow as I write.

We then retired to the bar and when the proprietors came to tell us they were putting on their pajamas and going to bed Rodders and the hardcore element continued with the usual Scotch marathon until 4.30 am. I was forced to retire early, after Andy Lear succumbed to an attack of the wind in the willows.

On Sunday, various jaded-looking chaps turned up for breakfast before saying their good-byes. A dogged few remained, including me and the missus. We took a boat trip down the Ouse with Martin and Liz, and Martin entertained us all with his improbable stories of life as Richard Branson’s emergency balloonist, Brighton publican, theatre manager, and owner of the fiercest looking – but softest – Rottweiler in the world. We had a scrumptious lunch in The Lamb and Lion but Martin avoided the sausages. A quick look round the art gallery for us, and choral evensong in the Cathedral for them and then back for a quiet food-free evening. This was followed for us by a last walk round the dark medieval streets.

Keri reflectsThe Committee Reports`Battlements and TurretsTandoori Knights and MaidensRedz and KateRod drinks
Johana and NoelColin Anthony with Margit ReilingIrene Tierney with JonathanJörgThe Ouse oozes by nightThe Cathedral seen from the dark medieval streets
Here are some more pictures taken during the weekend. Click on the thumbnails for the full size image, or play as a SLIDESHOW.

A picture of our secretary drinking a pint of bitter in a blue towelLast to leave on Monday was Noel Decoutere and his wife Johana Onraet and it was three cheers to Steve, Rodders, and the rest for a spiffing weekend. By the way, if you’d like to see a picture of our secretary drinking a pint of bitter in a blue towel, here’s one:

 Tom Cutler
 End of text moustache

Text © MMXI Tom Cutler / The Handlebar Club - Photos © MMXI Dan Sederovsky and Tom Cutler

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